Personality Disorders & More…

This seems to be a very hot topic, perhaps one we can all relate to and one that strikes a deep emotional chord. Someone mentioned that calling people who run the gamut from NPD to Anti-Social Personality Disorder uncompassionate is too harsh. I’m only stating a scientific fact. Research has indicated that people with Anti-Social Personality Disorder or those labeled Sociopathic actually only show lower limbic brain activities in response to emotional situations. Tests indicate they are literally not able to have higher functioning feelings such as love, compassion, empathy, etc. There appears to be an organic part to these diseases either non-development of certain types of bonding causes the inability to physically happen in the first few years of life or some people may just have this type of brain, this is where science is unsure.

But just because some people are unable to be compassionate doesn’t mean we should be compassion-less toward them. I am not advocating anything except whatever breaking point a person gets to in dealing with people with these problems should not be judged as everyone has a certain tolerance. And as Chris points out in her interesting post somethings are just forces of nature which we can not control and there is no point in taking it personally. In fact it may have nothing at all to do with us just as the tide moving in has nothing to do with our desire or karma.

It is admirable to take responsibility for the self and necessary for our growth however there are things in life which we are not responsible for and can not change. This perhaps is the lesson. We are not all powerful Gods. We are part of God but we do not control the Universe (Thank God for that, huh!) With so many agendas and so many issues and so many various lessons we sometimes get tangled up in other people’s issues and must learn to separate. It’s OK to not take responsibility for things we have no control over like our health, our family member’s insanity or the death of a loved one. This was my point about New Age philosophy, it often takes very complicated issues and dynamics and boils them down to a catch phrase and black and white thinking. The reason the esoteric side of things was kept secret for the seeker only to know was exactly because information is powerful and misinformation is dangerous. Before we can manifest perfect health and happiness through visualization there maybe 40 years of psychological therapy needed to undo damage done in childhood, or there maybe genetic factors that make it impossible for us to be 100% physically well. We can do our part by taking care of ourselves but we can’t stop old age, disease or death through wishing it away. Chaos and decay are just as important to the balance of nature as love and harmony are, this is not something anyone would say in a get rich quick medicine show New Age book that you would ever read. It’s not what people want to hear. We want to believe we are all powerful and can fix anything we want. But we often can not and there is nothing shameful or wrong with that it is part of the process of life to understand we all must go with the flow of energy we are swimming in.

I talked to one woman today who was having some health problems and was very embarrassed about them. She kept saying she could take care of it with her diet and blaming her health problems on herself. But the truth is she’s almost 50 years old and her body is going to have some trouble as it ages. I actually had to stop her and tell her that it wasn’t her fault and all she could do was go to the doctor and take good care of herself. That the sooner she did this the better chance she had of avoiding complications. She told me she had avoided going to a doctor for awhile because she was afraid to hear that something  might be wrong. This is a common problem as if not knowing will make it go away. This sort of wish fulfillment thinking (which is very New Age – this woman is also a New Age practitioner) is akin to visualizing winning the lottery and then flogging yourself when you got the numbers wrong. It isn’t very grounded and I think it is a left over from the child’s desire to blame everything on the self in order to feel in control.

Some great books on Personality Disorders are:
The Sociopath Next Door

The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family

Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship

I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

Desk Reference to the Diagnostic Criteria From DSM-IV-TR

I found Understanding the Borderline Mother to be one of the best books on personality disorders I have ever read. It gives a very clear delineation of the disorder and how it manifests differently in different people. BPD is a very complex disorder that often has many other psychological disturbances that can muddy the water. People with BPD can often have addiction problems, have eating disorders, bipolar disorder and a host of other problems making people who have to deal with a parent with BPD feel very confused about what exactly the problem is with the parent. This book is much more helpful than I Hate You Don’t Leave Me, which is probably more suited to someone with the disorder and not for someone seeking advice on how to deal with someone with this disorder. I also think the DSM can be invaluable for understanding the basic psychological issues people have, not that one should go diagnosing anyone after reading the DSM. It just gives a sense of the spectrum of disorders and how complicated yet alike we as  human beings are. The Sociopath Next Door seems to be out of print but I found it to be fascinating as the author relays the spectrum of that disorder through various anecdotal stories.

I saw that one reader (Christopher) was caring for a mentally ill mother and had a mentally ill brother. I would highly suggest reading some of these books, they really will help you to feel not so alone and give you ideas on how to set better boundaries and ultimately (I hope for your sake) they inspire you to seek help outside your family. You really shouldn’t be dealing with all of that by yourself it can be extremely damaging to your self-esteem and to your life’s purpose as people with personality disorders characteristically derail others in an attempt to get more “narcissistic supply” or what normal people would call attention. They are like psychic vampires that deplete you entirely without a thought to your needs, health, spirit or purpose for being here. Do yourself a favor Christopher and don’t take on all that burden without at least some help.

Many blessings,

Denise

Personality Disorders & More…

Wow! Lot’s of Action!!

There has been a lot of action about some of the topics I’ve posted about. I was going to address some of what Cheri had to say early on in a post I started but didn’t finish. I understand the need to believe there is something greater at work when dealing with someone with a mental illness. But it’s my opinion that people who run the spectrum of personality disorders from NPD, to Borderline to Anti-Social Personality Disorder are devoid of empathy. I don’t believe they “volunteer” to be the bad guys. I believe they lack empathy for a variety of reasons, some environmental due to early childhood development, some have physiological problems and others from a spiritual immaturity.

Dealing with someone who has NPD, Borderline personality disorder or Anti-Social Personality disorder can be more than trying it can literally be dangerous. They are often violent and it’s my opinion that after trying everything one can to help them (if they are a relative or close friend) but they refuse to admit their actions, apologize or show the slightest bit of empathy towards you their target, then it’s your lesson to create a boundary. Sometimes that boundary is cutting them out of your life entirely. 

If the person without empathy goes through their life taking advantage, using and exploiting others without any consequences, then how are they supposed to grow? They are like children and have to understand there are consequences to their actions. Their spiritual development is in peril and the targets life is at stake if the target does not remove themselves from the situation. 

I think Cheri’s perspective very much illustrates my point having to do with New Age ideas which as someone pointed out are actually not so new. However they are new because the New Age has taken ancient esoteric ideas and modified them to fit an illusion. Now instead of years of studying ancient texts and philosophy one reads a book and becomes an expert. But the truth is our universe is very complex and can not be boiled down into little crumpet sized bites of information, ever. And more important is that “New Age,” ideology emphasizes the positive and ignores the negative. But we can not actually get to the positive side and operate in the light without examining the darkness by facing our fears and demons with realistic understanding of who we are as a person and then learning to accept and love ourself both shadow and light. Always knowing and keeping in check our dark sides, because we all have them, and anyone who claims they don’t is probably suffering from a personality disorder, unable to take responsibility for their actions, and having to make it appear to themselves that they are 100% pure goodness because they have deep seated feelings of inadequacy that they are not dealing with.

No one is perfect. Even Jesus Christ lost his s*it at the temple on the money changers. I’m sure it was not one of his proudest moments. We all do things that hurt others either unconsciously or not. It is only those who refuse to accept this, that are the truly troubled people in our society. Statistics show that 4 percent of Americans are Sociopathic (anti-social personality disorder). New research indicates that about 6 percent of Americans (mostly men – something like 60 percent) have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which was once thought to be much more rare. Here’s a link to recent findings: http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/43/15/38

And the percentage of Americans with Borderline Personality Disorder (more women than men in this case) and with about 2 percent of the population. Here’s a link to an article on BPD: http://az.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=By_Illness&Template=/TaggedPage/TaggedPageDisplay.cfm&TPLID=54&ContentID=44780

Borderline Personality Disorder is more complicated as they almost always have co-occurring disorders, making it difficult to figure out exactly what’s going on. One thing that all three of these personality disorders have in common is a lack of empathy or really an inabilty to be empathic toward others. They relate to others as extensions of themselves, and get upset when the other person reminds them (by not exactly mirroring their feelings in that moment) they are their own separate human being. 

So we are talking about approximately 12 percent of the population have serious empathy disorders meaning they are not capable of feeling for others, therefore they have no guilt about doing wrong or very little guilt that they wash away with rationalization. 

Let’s be real here. When someone has no empathy it is very easy for them to do terrible things to others, murder, rape, child abuse, severe child neglect, all the worst things we see in human behavior are driven from this state, either in a temporary break from reality when someone is in a rage such as in the case of crime of passion. However most crimes are not committed by ordinary people who temporarily become so enraged they loose control. The vast amount of people who murder, destroy, steal, hurt and do what most religions call “evil” are done by those with an empathy deficit. Often these people make up excuses for their behavior, see themselves as victims or as above others and therefore justified in their actions. 

I have had the unfortunate experience of having a parent with one of these disorders, my other parent died when I was ten. And because I grew up with a parent with a severe empathy disorder I overcompensated and like poop I draw a lot of the empathy-less flies to me, because of my early childhood training dealing with someone like that. Los Angeles is also a NPD nest as everyone who believes themselves to be “special” gravitates toward tinsel town. So I have seen more than my fair share of people who lack empathy and seen the devastation they reek on others. Believe me there is nothing special about them other than the delusional world they make up for themselves to live in.

So to Cheri I’d like to say I hope you never have to experience anyone who has one of these terrible disorders because I’m quite sure if you did your feelings would change 180 degrees. After all it’s only the empathy-less person’s feelings that matter. Cheri, I’m hoping for your sake and those around you, that you are just being overly generous and kind hearted and not defending this group because you have an affinity for them, either because you are involved with someone with one of these devastating disorders, or are among the unfortunate who suffer from one of them. If you are involved with someone like this and are in the early stages of that relationship be very careful as these people can become extremely violent once they feel they have you. And if you are involved with someone with one of these disorders due to kinship, friendship or marriage, make sure to push them to get help – they can make progress. The earlier they get help the better their chances of recovery. Often however they don’t want help because their disorder doesn’t hurt them, it hurts others which of course isn’t much of a motivator because they don’t have compassion for others. Often it takes isolation from “loved ones” for those who are empathy challenged before they can realize they need help.

It literally does no good for others to prop up those with personality disorders or to become the long suffering victim of such people, as this only keeps them in perpetual spiritual and emotional stasis. 

Best wishes and many blessings to all the kind people out there,

Denise

Wow! Lot’s of Action!!

The Mathmatical Formula that Shattered the Global Economy

http://www.wired.com/techbiz/it/magazine/17-03/wp_quant?currentPage=all
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copula_(statistics)

Above are some links to the math that has brought our world to its knees. And to think I used to fall asleep in junior high school algebra. 

Perhaps you, like me, heard reference to this formula on NPR or various other news outlets. After looking at it, I wonder if any of the bankers had even the slightest clue about it, let alone applying it to anything tangible.

So here’s my lame math formula. All based on the simple geometry:

picture-7

The one guy gets more than a third (33.4 %) of the whole pie while the 9 people share almost a third (28%). So lets be clear here, 10% of wealthy Americans control 61.4% of all the wealth. And just 1% of the wealthy control more than a third. while 40% of Americans make it sharing just over a third of the wealth at 38.6 %. And the rest, half of the country, 50% of us live in abject poverty.

 

This was before the market crash. I’m sure there are more people who have fallen into the abject poverty pile since then.

 

I have a simple question to ask to those who subscribe to unbridled free market capitalism and the notion of those who work hardest are rewarded with the most money. Firstly, that one guy controlling more than a third of the pie, does he really work harder than the equivalent of 150,000,000 Americans put together. Because man if he does, he’d have to be God as working that many hours would mean he not only never slept, but also had an army of clones.

 

And if one wants to make the argument that somehow that guy has provided some service or great work that entitles him/her to more pie than they could ever eat in one lifetime while half the people around them starve, I ask, did that person cure cancer, Aids and save our planet from a deluge of asteroids? Because there is nothing that anyone who has such ungodly amounts of money has done that warrants the pie being that lopsided.

 

Take for example Bill Gates. He stole the idea for Windows from two inventors who stole the idea for the operating system from the way Macs worked. Gates literally bought their program for something like 500 bucks and then turned around and sold it to IBM for millions or billions, whatever. Did (or does) he deserve to control that much of the world’s resources because he was an unethical opportunist? Or even someone like Jim Carey, does he deserve 20 million dollars to make fart jokes in some lame half-baked movie? Does anyone really deserve to hog more resources than they can actually make use of?

 

And what does it say about people who choose this for themselves. I’m not saying people don’t have a right to be wealthy, be comfortable, and even be decadent and live uxorious ridiculously comfortable lives. But one doesn’t have to control that much of the wealth to do so. As a matter of fact if the pie was at least a little more evenly distributed, more people would have more and be more productive.

 

For example if everyone had enough money, to at least make their own pie, then there would be a constant flow of money, goods, services and new wealth for everyone to partake in. It would be exponential rather than a closed, fixed system where the poorest 50 percent cannot participate in the economy because they can barely afford the basic necessities of life.

 

Historically, our country has always done best financially when there was a strong, healthy middle class, like in the 1950s when a guy could work at a gas station as an attendant, buy his own home and support a wife and two kids. Or during the Clinton era when there was a huge boom in the middle class and new service orientated and luxury businesses sprung up due to the increased flow of money being funneled into the economy.

 

So why is it that Republicans hang onto this bizarre Ann Ryand philosophy of unhinged free market capitalism without restraint or regulation and the idea of the individual as purely and solely responsible for him/herself?

 

Well, let’s take a look at Ann Ryand. First off she was from Russia and had a knee jerk reaction to having grown up there. She was also a screenwriter and no offense here, but part of being a Hollywood screenwriter is being able to boil things down to very simple black and white arguments and ideas. There is no room for subtlety, complexity, and depth of character and layers of meaning in a 90-minute screenplay. The best one can hope for with a great movie is a clear well defined argument that makes you think about a situation in a new way.

 

Anyone who has read the Fountainhead can attest to the ridiculous modernist notion of special treatment for the super human, great genius who stands outside of normal human expectations (such as decency, compassion, human kindness, caring, being interested in things other than yourself) because of his great talent. She literally makes the case that some people should be above the law, above human decency and be lavished with an endless fountain of praise and support no matter how socially retarded, because they are intrinsically better than everyone else.

 

Hmmm, what does this sound like?

 

Oh, yeah, Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

 

Funny she lived here in the land of NPD (Hollywood). And there in lies the key. There seems to be a fundamental personality dysfunction which is attracted to this (conservative often Republican) model. One that feels the need to be better than everyone else, to be treated specially and has to have other people suffering so they can feel good about themselves. Upon closer inspection the conservative movement seems to be less motivated by an ideology than a mental illness – what I used to deem “Mad Squirrel disease” where an individual can never have enough and constantly seeks out more and more nuts to add to their storehouse despite the fact that they will never be able to physically use all of what they have acquired.

 

After studying psychology I realized this was a character trait of Narcissism. Our culture has promoted it. Wall Street was immersed in the darkest part of this mental illness. I wish these people would spend their money getting therapy and get out of the way of change. They spin empathy and humanitarianism into socialism and communism. They turn the notion of helping people who are losing their homes into something akin to a welfare state, but yet, for them, the special few, they not only have their hands out, but their pockets, their buckets, their private jets and anything else they can cram taxpayer dollars into under the guise of “saving jobs.” When they say that I think they mean, saving the jobs of the captains of their private jets, not the 10,000 jobs they are shipping to India because they don’t want to pay a living wage or give their employees healthcare.

 

I had a friend one time who drove an old green VW Bug. She happened to be driving it around the Silicon Valley in a very wealthy area. This guy in a Mercedes was offended by how carefully and slowly she was going, not and yelled at her, “Peasant!” I think that says it all.

 

When it comes to how these people feel about themselves and the way they see everyone else. They appear to be living in feudal Europe during the dark ages. Sad for us they are not actually living back then, but are just imposing these unconscionable notions on the rest of us.

 

Best wishes and many blessings to all you good people,

Denise 

P.S. I will announce the winners soon. And have you noticed on the Myers Briggs poll almost no extraverts. I’m guessing this is because extraverts are not very interested in taking personality tests. 

Don’t forget to vote in the poll if you know your Myers Briggs type or your Enneagram type.

The Mathmatical Formula that Shattered the Global Economy

Nadya Suleman, Readers/Writers & Fertility…

I have officially kicked off the readers/writers page with an essay from a good friend and fellow writer, Chris Richardson. I published Chris’s opinion on the page Readers/Writers (here’s a direct link:https://astrologyandpsychicpredictions.wordpress.com/readerwriters/) although I don’t exactly share it. Please read her post first on the Readers/Writers page and then continue on with my conclusions. It is interesting to have Chris’s perspective because I feel it really represents the Pluto in Leo generation or the Baby Boomer viewpoint which is very under-represented on this blog. Please feel free to comment on her piece or on any post you want. Also remember I’m open to submissions for other voices to be heard as well on the Readers/Writers page.

I feel that Nadya Suleman is mentally ill and her children need help, perhaps even intervention. I’m more angry at the doctor and Nadya’s family for not intervening. In Nadya’s interview with Ann Curry, Nadya appeared out of it, unrealistic and suffering from some sort of personality disorder. She clearly also has a problem with lying which means she has a lot of shame. It’s my opinion that she probably has NPD. And, it hit me at some point during her interview that she paid for all the plastic surgery, and some of her children in a much darker way than she admitted to (she still hasn’t admitted to the plastic surgery, however). It was my strong hit that she at some point literally sold herself as a call girl, not something one can put on their taxes. 

To me the fact that her 8 children were born on 1-26 fits in with my theory of Aquariuses. All who I’ve read for have been (including myself here) entirely ignored during childhood, often to the point of serious neglect. And lets face it with 8 babies and 6 other kids, those little ones aren’t going to get much mommy time. I feel very bad for her children and its my belief that especially because Nadya has signs of mental illness, people should reach out and help her. It’s also my feeling that Nadya (being someone with NPD) was in desperate need of attention and wanted to be “special,” unfortunately the only way she felt she was able to fulfill those needs was by having more babies than anyone should have at one go. Also she wanted to surround herself by an a huge audience of unconditionally loving admirers, her giant brood of children.

If there is a cultural issue to blame, its this ridiculous fascination with crazy people who have had way too many children. I recently saw one woman and her husband on the View who had so many kids they had trouble remembering their names and birth order and how old they were. This woman used religion as an excuse for whatever psychological problem she had, and believe me, she had that crazy cult look in her eye like one of the Manson women showing up to his trial in the early 70s.

In a world with over 6 billion people and counting (2500 years ago there were about 10 million people, can you imagine, that’s less people than live in NY, LA or Chicago), global warming and places like China sterilizing people because they literally have no room to grow, it seems perverted to me that anyone should be so greedy as to have that many children. Not to mention the fact that the children don’t get to be children, they end up parenting each other and have very little one on one time with their own parents. We don’t live in the 1500s on a farm. Our world is over run with human beings almost to the breaking point of the earth’s capacity to deal with us. 

So everyone getting their panties in a bunch about Nadya is perhaps a good thing. Maybe it will force people to think about what it means to have so many children, not just in her case, but in all the cases of couples who choose to be greedy and selfish by surrounding themselves with a brood of admiring little people. It’s one thing back when the technology of in vitro fertilization was new and led to multiple births. OK, that’s not anyone’s fault, and it wasn’t purposeful. But when a person already has 6 kids, even going for another is selfish in my opinion. Even if you were a billionaire and could put every kid through college, give them everything they could ever want or need, you still couldn’t possibly give each kid enough attention and love, which is what kids need more than anything. 

Let’s look at the extreme situation of children (especially in Romania) in  overcrowded orphanages in Eastern European. These poor children were lucky to get their diapers changed and feed on a semi-regular basis, with nothing else, no love, cuddling, interaction. These children when adopted have exhibited incredible anti-social disorders, brain damage and often irreversible personality warping, even after just being in orphanage for 6 months. Human beings need love to grow, they need attention and kindness, encouragement and support. These are more essential to development than money or 2 opposite sex parents or really anything besides basic food, shelter and clothing. 

I recently read an article in Discover Magazine about new technology that will enable us to take a skin cell, turn it into a T-cell and then make it into either an egg or sperm. So a same sex couple could have a baby which is the good side of things, but the creepy side is a person would be able to make a baby entirely by themselves. For example your a single woman who wants to have children, you could have your skin cells turned ultimately into sperm and be implanted with your own sperm. Now that seems like the ultimate in-breeding. What kind of bizarre genetic problems will we create doing that? And also, we now possess the technology to actually extract unhealthy genes and replace them with their healthy counterparts. There are even ways to replace whole sequences, and to isolate genes to make people smarter, healthier, etc. 

So to me Nadya Suleman is just the can opener on a giant ethics problem we are starting to face. At what point do the rights of the parents or potential parents interfere with the rights of the children? One can argue we don’t want to go the route of China and God knows that is horrible what they put people through, and we certainly don’t want to emulate them in any way. However, is it fair to utilize science and technology in ways that interfere with nature and the fundamental human right to be nutured and loved by a parent without feeling like you are an orderly at an orphanage who is expected to help raise and take care of your brothers and sisters.

I don’t know about you guys, but when they interviewed Nadya’s other 6 kids, none of them seemed excited or happy about the competition coming home. They already seemed to know, all too well how hard it was to get what they needed with only 5 other little people to compete with.

As time goes on and we continue to push the envelope with fertility treatments and micro-preemies we are going to have to address these moral issues. If the Christian right is against abortion because it is the destruction of a life, then I would argue this is the same problem from the opposite side of the coin. The inability to provide your children with attention, love, comfort, food, stability, nurturing and a roof over their heads should be taken into account when science is called upon to step in and create a liter of children.

It’s one thing of nature does it, then, I’m sure we can all agree, one could understand getting pregnant and a few months in realizing you were pregnant with triplets or something. OK. You have to do the best you can. Enough said, but when you have 8 implanted by a doctor (or 6 that turn into 8)  and risk not just the children’s emotional and financial well being, but literally their health as well. This goes beyond morality into the realm of psychosis, mental illness and extreme selfishness. I pray that those little children do well and that all of her children have enough other influences in their lives to get what they need to be emotionally healthy adults.

I personally don’t think more than 2 embryos should ever be implanted into a woman. Twins are about as much as a woman can by natural standards handle. She has two breasts. We are not cats or dogs with 10 teets, there’s a reason for this. We aren’t meant to have litters of babies. It’s not healthy for any side of that equation.

Nadya Suleman, Readers/Writers & Fertility…